What does your inner voice say to you?
"What's wrong with you?"
"When you do this, then you will feel successful."
"Once you lose those last 10 pounds, then you will be beautiful."
"She has it altogether. Why can't you figure it out?"
"You could finally live up to your potential if you would just follow through."
"If you were just a little bit faster, better, stronger, skinnier, THEN you would be good enough."
"You will never be good enough."
But you know what?
I never felt successful after I did the next thing. I didn't feel good enough when I got faster or better or skinnier. I still didn't feel like I was living up to my potential even when I followed through. Sure, from the outside it looked like I had it altogether. I had degrees! People liked me! I had a great job and a great family! I was the person who could do it all!!
If only they really knew what went through my head day after day.
I was a perfectionist and a chronic overachiever always chasing after another hit of external affirmation because deep inside I didn't believe I was enough. I didn't own my worthiness. I looked at my life as a constant stream of "you can do better than that" experiences. I was always comparing my life against what I thought it should be. I even treated motherhood as something I had to prove I was amazing at to everyone...including myself.
Until one night I found myself lying on my son's bed long after he was asleep, crying because I felt like I was failing - failing as a mother, failing to do my best, failing to have it all figured out...
failing to be perfect.
As I laid there listening to his breath, I finally stopped thinking so hard about what I should be doing, and got still enough to listen my true inner voice. The voice that has always been there, but I just couldn't hear it. The voice that told me my son doesn't need me to be a perfect mother, he needs me.
He needs me to be present and joyful, not beating myself up all the time because I’m not and never will be perfect. He needs me to mother him in the way that only I can, even if that looks different than every other mom I know.
As I laid there I realized I didn't need to be better, I just needed to be me. To honor my worth right now. To love myself right now, not if or when,
BUT RIGHT THIS MINUTE.
Since that night, I have developed a practice of everyday worthiness in my own life. My practice has grown and evolved as I have learned more about how to release my old protective shields of perfectionism and chronic overachieving, and replace them with vulnerability, courage, truth and love.
This practice led me to a year of intentional underachieving the year I turned 40. Breaking the habit of perfectionism was no small feat for me, and now my passion is helping others do the same with support and love.
I want you to know you can find that small still voice that will show you how worthy you really are. It is there, waiting for you.
If you are ready to start listening, let's connect. Let's see what it would look and feel like to work together.
Kelly Covert is an inner voice coach with a passion for helping women lay down their lifelong habits of perfectionism and chronic overachieving, so they can listen to their inner voice and love themselves fully every single day.
Through her coaching, online programs, writing and speaking, she is creating a movement of women that are practicing worthy now instead of worthy if or when. She is the creator and host of the In Her Voice podcast. Her work has been featured on The Huffington Post, The Elephant Journal, YourTango.com, and she has been a featured guest on many podcasts.
Kelly is also a professional flutist with Symphoria, a wife and the mother of 2 big boys and 1 baby girl beagle named Piper.
You can learn more and connect with Kelly at www.kellycovert.com.
These are a few of my favorite things (sung in your best Maria voice)
my baby girl beagle, Piper
coffee...but only decaf please!
my super secret guilty pleasure - reading romance novels
rainy days on the couch with a book and a bowl of buttered popcorn
reruns of Friends and New Girl...I laugh every single time!
crisp white bedding on a bed that hardly ever gets made
taking morning baths in my soaking tub
sleeping with the windows open
the sound of my kids laughing
a really sweaty workout